you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
