drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
