Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
