can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Every concussion has its silver lining
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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