he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
