I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
