So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize