the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
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