Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
