Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize