its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
