Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i believe in u and ur pee
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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