remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
