i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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