i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
