Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
