dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
