I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
