he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
How does one acquire holy water?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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