it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
soo... how was my night?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Two words: nipple clamps
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