Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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