i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
