I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
