12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
