That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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