I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
