Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
