that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
