i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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