My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
