I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
