I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
