It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
