if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
porn star boner night. come get it.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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