Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
