Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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