what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
