I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
