I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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