were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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