I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
