Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
