meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
