she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
