Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize