Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
