So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
