He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
