I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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