actually, I'm a sock model
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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