I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
