i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
