screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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