He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
God, I missed his penis.
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