we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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