I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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