We named our party play list daddy issues
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
