why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
