my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
