I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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