Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
