I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
