just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
