another moral hangover. fuck.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
