How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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