just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
