Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
