You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
