so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
