Jerry, you need to find god
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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