Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
