Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
