Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We don't watch enough power rangers
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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